LEARN
Become a Family Violence Ally
You don't have to be an expert to make a difference.
LISTEN. BELIEVE. SUPPORT. RESPECT.
Four simple actions can change the way we respond to family violence.
Family violence can happen in any family, in any neighbourhood and in any community.
It isn't always physical. It isn't always visible. And it can be difficult to know what to do when you are worried about someone.
You don't need to have all the answers.
You can be someone they feel safe turning to.
EXPLORE
What do you want to learn?
HOW TO HELP
Listen. Believe. Support. Respect.
Learn how to respond when you're worried about someone or when someone tells you they are experiencing family violence.
UNDERSTAND FAMILY VIOLENCE
Family violence isn't only physical.
Learn about the many ways power, control and abuse can show up in relationships and families.
FIND SUPPORT
You don't need to navigate this alone.
Find family violence, shelter, housing and community resources in Edmonton and Alberta.
WHY IS LEAVING SO HARD?
Leaving family violence is rarely as simple as walking out the door.
Learn about the barriers that can make leaving difficult and why continued support matters.
BECOME AN ALLY
Help build a community where people experiencing family violence are heard, believed, supported and respected.
HOW TO HELP
Be someone they can turn to.
When someone tells you about family violence, you may feel like you need to fix the situation.
You don't.
You don't need to investigate, confront the person causing harm or convince someone to leave.
Start by being a safe person to talk to.
Remember four actions:
LISTEN. BELIEVE. SUPPORT. RESPECT.
LISTEN.
Create space. Don't judge.
Give them your attention.
Let them share what they want to share, in their own words and at their own pace.
You don't need to ask lots of questions or determine exactly what happened. Listen to what they are choosing to tell you.
Try saying:
“I'm here if you want to talk.”
“I've noticed a few things that have made me concerned about you. Is everything okay?”
“You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to.”
“What would be helpful right now?”
Instead of:
“Why do you stay?”
“Why didn't you tell someone?”
“Why do you let them treat you that way?”
Remember
Listening isn't passive.
Being heard without judgement can help someone feel less alone.
SUPPORT.
Ask what they need. Don't assume.
Support will look different for every person.
For one person it may mean listening.
For another it could mean finding information, making a phone call, getting to an appointment or connecting with professional support.
Ask instead of deciding.
Try saying:
“What would feel helpful right now?”
“Would you like me to help you look at some options?”
“Would you like me to sit with you while you make that call?”
“We don't have to figure everything out today.”
You don't need to become someone's counsellor, caseworker or family violence expert.
You can help connect them with people who are.
Remember
Support doesn't mean taking over.
Your role is to walk beside them, not make decisions for them.
BELIEVE.
Take them seriously.
People experiencing family violence may have had their experiences denied, minimized or blamed on them.
Your response matters.
You don't need proof to respond with compassion.
Try saying:
“I believe you.”
“This isn't your fault.”
“You didn't deserve that.”
“Thank you for trusting me.”
Avoid questioning whether something was really abuse or whether the situation was "bad enough."
If someone has trusted you enough to talk, start by listening.
Remember
Believing someone doesn't mean you need to have all the answers.
It means taking what they tell you seriously.
RESPECT.
Let them remain in control of their decisions.
This can be one of the hardest parts of being an ally.
You may believe you know what the person should do. You may desperately want them to leave.
But family violence often involves someone having their choices and independence taken away.
Supporting them should not do the same thing.
Try saying:
“You know your situation best.”
“I respect your decision.”
“I'm still here.”
“If something changes, you can come to me.”
They may leave.
They may stay.
They may leave and return.
They may not be ready to describe what is happening as family violence.
You can continue to care.
Remember:Don't take away someone's choices in the name of helping them.
UNDERSTANDING FAMILY VIOLENCE
Family violence isn't only physical.
Some forms of family violence are visible. Many are not.
Family violence can involve patterns of behaviour that create fear, dependency or control.
Understanding the different ways family violence can show up can help us recognize concerning behaviour earlier.
PHYSICAL ABUSE
Using physical violence, force, restraint or physical intimidation.
COERCIVE CONTROL
A pattern of behaviours used to control another person's everyday life, freedom and independence.
SEXUAL ABUSE
Sexual activity, contact or behaviour without freely given consent.
ISOLATION
Interfering with or restricting someone's relationships with friends, relatives, colleagues, community or other sources of support.
EMOTIONAL & PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE
Behaviour that humiliates, intimidates, frightens, degrades or undermines another person.
FINANCIAL & ECONOMIC ABUSE
Using money, employment, debt, property or access to resources as a means of control.
TECHNOLOGY-FACILITATED ABUSE
Using devices, accounts, social media, location information or other technology to monitor, harass, threaten or control.
SPIRITUAL & CULTURAL ABUSE
Using someone's beliefs, culture, identity or community relationships to manipulate, shame, isolate or control.
ABUSE INVOLVING CHILDREN
Children can be affected by family violence even when abusive behaviour is not directed toward them.
Family violence can look different from family to family. Learn to recognize patterns, not just individual incidents.
Find out more at https://www.alberta.ca/recognize-family-violence
RECOGNIZE THE SIGNS
Something doesn't feel right?
You don't have to diagnose family violence. And one sign doesn't necessarily mean someone is experiencing abuse.
Pay attention to patterns and changes.
You might notice:
Isolation
Withdrawing from friends, family or activities.
Fear
Appearing unusually concerned about upsetting a partner.
Monitoring
Constant calls, messages or checking of someone's whereabouts.
Loss of independence
Having less control over money, transportation or everyday decisions.
Changes at work
Unexpected absences, difficulty concentrating or withdrawal from colleagues.
Frequent cancellations
Regularly changing plans or being unable to participate without explanation.
Injuries or physical concerns
Unexplained or recurring injuries.
What should you do?
Don't accuse. Don't interrogate.
Create an opening.
“I've noticed you've seemed a little more withdrawn lately and I wanted to check in. Is everything okay?”
Then listen.
Key message
You don't need to prove family violence is happening before being supportive.
WHY DOESN'T SHE JUST LEAVE?
**A better question is:
“What might be making safety difficult?”**
Leaving family violence is rarely as simple as walking out the door.
Someone may be navigating several barriers at the same time.
SAFETY: Fear of what may happen to them or people they care about.
CHILDREN: Concerns about children's safety, custody, parenting arrangements or disrupting children's lives.
HOUSING: Not knowing where they and their children could safely live.
MONEY: Limited access to money, debt or financial dependence.
ISOLATION: Having few friends, relatives or community supports available.
TRAUMA: Living with fear, stress and the effects of ongoing abuse.
TRANSPORTATION: Limited ability to get to shelter, employment, appointments or school.
PETS: Concern about leaving pets behind in an unsafe home.
EMPLOYMENT: Concern about losing income or being unable to maintain employment.
IMMIGRATION: Concerns about immigration status or navigating unfamiliar systems.
CULTURE & COMMUNITY: Fear of isolation, judgement or losing important community connections.
HOPE: Caring about a partner and hoping the behaviour will change.
The reasons will be different for every person.
And leaving does not necessarily mean all risk or abusive behaviour immediately ends.
That's why specialized support and safety planning matter.
Instead of asking:
“Why doesn't she leave?”
Ask:
“What does she need to be safer?”
FIND PROFESSIONAL SUPPORT
FIND HELP
Edmonton & area resources
You don't have to navigate this alone.
Whether you are experiencing family violence yourself or supporting someone else, help is available.
Rather than presenting visitors with a long list of agencies, I recommend organizing resources around what someone needs.
I NEED SOMEWHERE SAFE.
Find emergency shelter and safe accommodation in Edmonton and area.
FIND SAFE SHELTER →
I NEED HOUSING & LONGER-TERM SUPPORT.
Wings | Safe Housing & Support
Find information about Wings programs and support for women and children rebuilding their lives after family violence.
GET HELP FROM WINGS →
I NEED TO TALK TO SOMEONE.
Not sure whether something is family violence?
Not sure what to do next?
Connect with someone who can help you explore options and find appropriate services.
TALK TO SOMEONE →
I'M HELPING SOMEONE.
You can ask for guidance even when you're not the person experiencing family violence.
You don't have to know all the answers yourself.
GET GUIDANCE FOR AN ALLY →
I NEED OTHER COMMUNITY SUPPORT.
Find counselling, legal assistance, financial supports, cultural services, children's supports, system navigation and other community resources.
EXPLORE EDMONTON RESOURCES →
First:
Listen.
You do not have to decide everything today.
SOMEONE JUST TOLD ME.
What do I do now?
Is someone in immediate danger?
YES
Contact emergency assistance.
GET EMERGENCY HELP →
NO / I'M NOT SURE
Stay calm. Listen. Ask what would be helpful.
SEE HOW TO RESPOND →
YES
Help explore available options.
FIND EDMONTON RESOURCES →
Does the person want help finding support?
NO
Respect the decision and keep the door open.
“That's okay. You don't have to make a decision today. If something changes, I'm here.”
You can seek professional guidance too.
You can say:
“I'm worried about someone I care about. Can you help me understand how I can support them?”
GET GUIDANCE →
Are YOU unsure what to do?
BECOME A WINGS FAMILY VIOLENCE ALLY
Knowing is important.
What we do with that knowledge matters.
Family violence isn't only a private family issue.
Friends notice.
Families notice.
Neighbours notice.
Colleagues notice.
Communities can make a difference when people know how to respond.
Make the Commitment.
I WILL LISTEN.
I will create space for someone to speak without judgement.
I WILL BELIEVE.
I will take disclosures of family violence seriously.
I WILL SUPPORT.
I will help connect people with information, resources and professional support without trying to take control.
I WILL RESPECT.
I will respect each person's dignity, choices and right to determine what happens next.
I will be someone they can turn to.
Wear the Commitment
LISTEN • BELIEVE • SUPPORT • RESPECT•
The Wings Family Violence Ally wristband is a visible reminder of the commitment we make to people experiencing family violence.
Wearing it doesn't say:
“I have experienced family violence.”
It says:
“You can turn to me.”
Use the four words as a reminder of what that commitment means.
LISTEN. Without judgement.
BELIEVE. Take them seriously.
SUPPORT. Help without taking over.
RESPECT. Honour their choices.
BRING THIS INTO YOUR COMMUNITY
Let’s build a community that knows how to respond.
Learning shouldn't stop with one webpage.
Help bring family violence awareness and allyship into workplaces, community organizations and other spaces where people live, work and connect.
WORKPLACES: Help staff and leaders understand family violence, recognize signs and respond appropriately.
COMMUNITY ORGANIZATIONS: Build confidence among people who regularly interact with families in the community.
SHARE: Help someone else become an ally.
SHARE THIS RESOURCE
For more information, contact us at info@wingsab.ca